Marco Tempest: The magic of truth and lies (and iPods) | Video on TED.com

Marco Tempest: The magic of truth and lies (and iPods) | Video on TED.com

The Fountain (Sigur Ros)

This film, "The Fountain" is a beautiful example of how we must accept suffering to move on. This video that was made, happened to be perfectly paired with music by Sigur Ros. Amazing.

It's never too late to show up to life

So, last night I faced my introvertness and wandered off to Solana Beach, CA to The Belly Up Tavern.  I've been wanting to go to this venue for awhile now and so, when I made the decision at 5pm yesterday, I just did it.  What I am discovering is that I experience a feeling (or emotion--whatever you call it) and whether it is elated or down and out, I remind myself that these are conditions that occur as being human.  Best thing, personally, is to face them--head on.  I felt uneasy and a little shy about arriving to this event last night alone.  I did a little deep breathing in my car before I got out (go ahead and visualize the dorkiness) and then I floated over to the entrance and just walked in and said 'I am alone and I feel very shy right now' in my head.  As soon as I acknowledged it, I found myself talking to someone minutes later.  As the night went on, and I became quiet happy being 'alone' I found that I was taking on the form of a people magnet.  It's almost strange to sit here and see it in my mind's eye and then regurgitate it into writing.  The number of people that I was aligned with and the running into someone I knew and someone I've wanted to know--it just was magical.  The friendly connection from the bass player--who saw me from the stage, to the chatting with the yoga instructor who was extremely modest about his teaching, to sharing my opinion about the acrobatic yoga performance, to winning a raffle prize (yes, I won a raffle for the first time in my life)--okay and it was for 5 Life Coach lessons!  It continues, to recognizing Lori from Indah leather wraps AND that I happened to be wearing one that was sadly draping off my wrist; Lori pulled it off, stabbed the strap with her earring and went and added a new button to make it 'fit' me again!  BTW, Lori is incredibly talented and I actually bought an amazing crystal wrap bracelet off of her wrist a few months ago!!  And then, there was the group of ladies who were admiring my tree of life tattoo and my crazy red dress and how it 'framed' my art; okay--and to my surprise, one of those ladies was (drum roll)--Tristan Prettyman (scream!).  The girl had me at 'Hello.'  She actually said she wanted to pick me up and twirl me around and I was pretty much dying (happily) on the inside.  So, this little post does not do the energy justice from last night, but none the less, it is the best I can do to share and give thanks to the giving Universe.  I'm open and will remain open.

Lovin Yourself Video....Avasa & Matty Love...video by Hiero

The Universe gave me a gift last night. I chose to show up, alone and found that I wasn't alone at all. This incredible couple; Avasa & Matty Love enveloped the entire audience with their unconditional love and I was so moved by their music and message. There was no where else to be....

Changing My Story

I'm not sure what chapter I am on, but I am certain I need to change my story if I want to believe in a happy ending vs. the tragic love stories I used to like reading about.  Seriously (or not seriously)--the story I've told myself for the last several years is that some people have a 'charmed' life and others, like myself, just don't. I also have convinced myself that I tend to be more creative in a melancholy state.  Okay, this story is not working for me anymore.  I accept that suffering is a part of life, but that doesn't mean I have to hold on to it and be a closet EMO so, enough is enough.  I can feel pain and clinging, as long as I just acknowledge it and then move on.  I guess the story line doesn't need definition, but the conclusion is that 'change' is the story so, I am going to be 'in change' and not cling to the negative chapters and feel like I have to deal with some made up hand of cards I've defined myself having.  Anyways, these are my thoughts right now.  I noticed that I was really trying to move back into a slump and found myself tearing up at random parts of the day and realized that my mind was just trying to cling to sadness.  Enough already--I know I have much to be thankful for and my goodness--I'm moving in 8 days, how exciting!!!  Breathe.

The Naked And Famous - Serenade

Love Lost - The Temper Trap

Dear Self,

Our love was lost, but now we've found it.

Goodbye July...again only 11 years later.

I swear, July is the chosen month that has been notorious for teaching me lessons.  Big July this year!!

So, in it's final hours (okay, one more day...), I can say it is ending well and I can truthfully express that I am glad July is what it was.  It's not many months where I am given the opportunity to experience a thread of emotions like this month; excitement, fear, anxiety, attraction, confusion, rejection, sadness, hopeful, motivated, and ending again with excitement, but different.  Instead of the early days of July, which were excitement mixed with fear, my end of July- I feel excitement mixed with love and acceptance.  The best part of change is that there is no criteria you have to meet (other than being open)in order to feel it's immediate effectiveness; as I would not had expected to arrive where I am at emotionally and spiritually, if I truly assessed myself at the beginning of the month.

I realize that I am a work in progress--broken, but beginning to heal.  I know that healing is best when you go within and no matter how painful your inner truth is (because you need to tell on yourself), it is necessary to face--in order to become whole.

I took a chance early in the month.  Call it foolish now or looking fear in the face, I was not equipped to understand what I would actually be facing.  I did not embrace fear, I hid from it; drinking and hesitating everything I am, down to my core.  At the time, it was about acceptance, but how can I seek acceptance when I could not even accept who I am?  You think you know who you are (or who you are to un-be), until you face something, or someone in my case, and realize--you don't know who you are and to just 'feel' with your heart is not enough.  I learned this lesson 11 years earlier....and well, hopefully it sets differently with me now.

Today, I am glad that the version of who I was at the beginning of this month DID face rejection because I may not have had enough of a challenge to seek healing or wholeness if I were to be connected to someone who is also hurt and not whole.  Do not offer yourself if you are not whole.  I've been known to seek out connections with people that NEED me or need HELP, in order to avoid facing my own inner improvements.  No longer....

My lesson is not about love for someone else; my lesson is about loving myself more and for whatever reasons drove me to see it--I am open and forgive and take the actions as a blessing because I may not have arrived to this place.  Thank you July for all that you have opened my eyes and my heart to.

Soul Ties

I believe in them.  I also believe in Soul Thai's *giggle*

This week I am reminded that we have more than one soul connection--well, of course I knew that, but I suppose what I want to write is 'soul mate' and well, I am not healed enough to admit this yet.

None the less, the topic is soul ties and mine came in the form of sisterhood--full force.  Who knew that my co-worker, my new friend, was actually a Reiki Master?  Just when I was at the end of my rope last week, my mom told me to seek a guide that lived closer to me; my thoughts hesitated, but my soul did not!  She is such a gift and has already given me so many tools to explore myself and begin to heal.

I also was very much in touch with my Virgo twin this week!  We supported each other so much, you would have thought we were attorneys with the legal jargon we were exchanging.  It was so good to reconnect with her!

Today, I went to visit 'the' Soul Sister--she knows who she is, if she is reading this.  What a tremendous replenishing of positive energy!  I know with her 'bun in the oven' she is feeling not quite herself these days, but I think she is perfect.  It was just what the Uni-Verse order up this week and I was certainly hungry.

As for my bff, we remain in contact, although, I missed her voice this week!  We should of stayed in the Bay Area when life was perfect and we could read each other's minds.

I feel pretty well tied now.

Sublime with Rome- Spun

The fun has just begun....

Free to Love: An Emotional Healing Workshop - THE CHOPRA CENTER FOR WELL...

And I don't have to travel to India and join an Ashram?  Blessed that someone in my life told me about the Chopra Center only 30 minutes away from me.  Will I go?  Now that's the real question.  I ordered the book off Amazon today and am addicted to Hot Yoga and I think this is all I can handle at the moment.  There is a workshop in November 2011.  Hmmmm.

Human Experience

Indulging in my 'dessert' aka. corpse pose, I was melded with the earth as my entire body lie there limp and washed over with my own sweat.  My eyelids were heavy and closed, while I surrendered to the calm of my breath. Our guide softly chanted that we are not our bodies, we are not our minds....we are not humans participating in a spiritual experience, but we are spiritual beings participating in a human experience.  At that moment, I was able to let go of my body and my mind and know that all of the emotions that I have been expressing and feeling lately--are only human.  To have separated the soul from the body and mind I am incased in, I felt more release of the pain and suffering I have chosen to hold on to.  I have fully experienced my past moments that have been intended for me and now I will continue to move on; to know I have new 'human' experiences awaiting me, as long as I remain open.  

Rest In Peace

It definitely feels like the almighty power from above is NOT lookin out for me, but you know, I am letting go of controlling my need of explanation for anything.  Answers arrive in many ways and I need to be courageous enough to listen for the truth--even if it is by means of SILENCE.  No answer IS an answer so,  I will no longer seek it out and think that knowing any more will make my life easier.  I'm not looking for easy anyways.

Back in the saddle today and now that I have said my peace, I have a huge weight lifted off me and I feel like no matter how vulnerable it felt to act it out, it's done now!  What a relief!

I love it when it feels like a new day in the middle of a day!  Now gonna go get hot with my favorite past time.

Hottness

Hot JavaVana Mate AND Hot Yoga this morning?  Giddy.

Dragonette: EASY official music video

She is so tuff.

Growing...a face plant

A crane, stork, phoenix, swallow, the Chinese huang have been receiving much attention from me lately, as I am seeking out the symbolism of a bird that can best represent the flight I am taking right now.  I want to express the time in my life as being bold and fleeting because as I have only been 'getting through life,' I want to live life and each moment feel free, as if I am taking flight and seeking out what is mine.

So, to the plant, or the 'face plant' rather.  I face planted on more than one occasion today (both literal and figurative).  Obsessed with Bikram Yoga and tried Vinyasa today.  Since I have done Yoga in the past, but not at a studio, the basic poses are no new thing to me, however, the more advanced balances/poses have me so hype, I'm willing to look ridiculous in order to accelerate to perfection.  How does a face plant and the talk of birds come to play?  Well, the pose I face planted on today was the 'crane' or Bakasana.  I blame it on the dripping sweat, not balance (just kidding...both?).

Falling in love is such a beautiful experience.

Feist - I Feel It All

Rediscovering old music that fed my soul in the past...such a treasure.

In A Bind

As I had melted down into the most comfortable contortion, I allowed my limbs to become vines and then, a strange thing happened; I had intertwined with myself. It was more than just a pose, I had really created a oneness with myself, at a point and time I had no expectations nor anticipation that I would be seeking myself vs. someone else.

Right now, I am accepting grace over tragedy--thanks to The Daily Love.

Not loving myself has been a real eye opener during this period of exploration. I've only scratched the surface and am being revealed new steps in the right direction each day. In order to see...I close my eyes and when I awake, I know a new positive light will illuminate my path and I am embracing this journey.

Yah for hot effin Yoga!  ps. not a big BT fan these days, but this song played during my sesh and I was brought back a few several years.  

What a Difference a Day Makes

Everything I need is actually inside of me.  Aside from the support I have from my amazing friends and family.  The decision to just 'make a decision' and know that I can pursue several directions until the right path is obvious, is one of the most empowering things I have done in the last couple of months.  *back patting*

There is opportunity in every corner, so as long as we are willing to take that leap...the net will appear!  No, not my words, but this quote really moved me and you know what?  It takes the hyper guess work out of direction.  I used to say it was best to not define yourself because then you have the ability to do what you wish without guilt or commitment to a certain version of yourself.  I think this applies still.  I'm certainly glad that pieces of myself are emerging daily (again).  What a difference!

Huntington Library, Gallery and Botanical Gardens

The exploring of a new place alone allows for ability to revel in your own favorite moments without explaining why to anyone.  Meandering through history and beauty, I was most drawn to two things: light and seeing stones.  I'm convinced this fixture of lighting below, would bring me much satisfaction if I could replicate it in my own home one day.  In addition to the  fluidity of the lights, the Japanese gardens revealed not bonsais or zen gardens to me, but seeing stones.  My hands were in a happy place when gliding over each smooth surface of the stones in the Japanese gardens.  What a beautiful moment of solitude that awakened my senses.

Lightbulb!

I had a lightbulb moment.  Okay well, with the help of my brother I was able to see the light, which led to a lightbulb moment?  I've craved change, big change for so long and now it sits in my lap ready for action (lights, camera and action!).  I nearly had a breakdown this week and left my 'place' as soon as I dropped my baby girls off with their dad.  I literally thought I was Sarah Jessica Parker in a chick flick, the one where she stops breathing and had to get out of the library hallway before Big arrived?  Rough stuff.  For the sake of privacy and knowing that the circumstances do not matter, just know that I kept breathing and made it to Pasadena alive...and breathing.  It's funny how my brother has become that major support person that most would find to be a 'girlfriend,' but the coolest part is all of the male insight.  It's more comforting than I imagined and we can get all Virgoish and philosophical (I believe there is a song out there like this, right mom?).  These are crazy times and I'm ready.

Photo taken by yours truly at The Huntington Gardens

All Endings are also Beginnings

And so it is.  Lately, each night is an absolute ending and the rising sun is a new beginning.  Not that I mind the motto of 'day to day,' but my days lack obvious movement towards a real direction.  Other than growing 'upward' I feel the effects of mud that can also weigh me down, but those are my self sabotaging thoughts that eventually, I intend to get a handle on.  With all of the small changes that are in fact occurring, no matter the joy or pain associated, I am blessed to 'feel' emotion.  Those that cannot will never know love and THAT is what is worth all the work towards self preservation.

Shrinky Dinks

Sure, they are plastic and artificial, but to watch the transformation from thin, large pieces 'shrink' down to hard, small pieces by the simple addition of heat; makes me easily translate this reaction to real life.

Tristan Prettyman - "Always Feel This Way" (Music Video)

The Departure

My roots will continue to twist and extend during my growth.  On the same note, there is a certain amount of untangling that will occur and will be embraced.

The departure of being 'a life spectator' is something that will foster the emergence of becoming 'a life-participator.'  Participation obviously exists in my life, but not on the level where it is exclusive to my growth.  Tending to seeds and observing them sprout, while providing love and direction is not new to me, especially as a mother.  However, as I tend to my garden, I have discovered that I need nourishment too in order to provide the best environment for my daughters AND myself to thrive.

So, as each day I am blessed to wake up (Good Morning Sunshine!) and be alive, I will participate in activity that feeds my soul.

Yesterday was my first experience 'participating' and so, I did not think too much, rather just acted and found myself on a stand up paddle board, in the ocean, with my daughters 'spectating.'  It was more than just the ride, as it was my first glide.  Water is good for the soul.

Waiting for the End (Official HD)

Kamala Girl

Initially, the natural tendency would be to express life through quotes:
"Life is a journey, not a destination."
"It's not about how hard you fall, but how fast you get up."

You get the idea.  Ringing true, there is always a twist that you and I can inject with our own "game of life."  This is my game and how I plan to travel outward from the depths of my roots to tips of what I embody. I accept that I need to heal, and hope to emerge and radiate the purity of love residing in my heart, compassion towards others and the overall strength that has been hidden away; this is my journey.

There is much water to be consumed initially, as I am wilted, but look forward to reviving my fibers for not only myself, but for those waiting to see who I truly am.